Brett and Royce met as sperm and eggs in 1974, launching from their mother’s horridly torn nether regions nine months later. As their mom reminds them every Mother’s Day, they were both nearly 9-pound babies, and Royce was born breech because he greatly admired his toes and felt the nurses should, too.
The twins were born in Bloomsburg, Pennsylvania and graduated summa cum lastly from Bloomsburg High School. Brett achieved a variety of honors, including winning several academic awards and launching a successful campaign for Senior Class President. Royce generally inhabited real estate in the back of classrooms while counting the minutes until lunch. They both achieved levels of excellence in sports normally only seen in the comatose.
After graduation Brett and Royce left Pennsylvania for elite Ivy League universities in the Northeast despite neither of them knowing Greek, Latin, or which fork to use for salad. Brett earned a degree in Psychology while Royce’s degrees were in English and Education, so both were prepared to deal with mental illness. Sensing their lives would be happier under the constant threat of earthquakes, they eventually moved to the San Francisco Bay Area, where they both call home today.
Brett and Royce are both happily married. Not to each other, you sick freak (how did Ryan Murphy find this podcast?). Brett married his husband Tony in 2013 in a beautiful outdoor ceremony surrounded by loving friends and family. Brett and Tony have three wonderful children, and please let them know if you’ve seen them.
Royce married his husband Aaron in the middle of the COVID pandemic in 2020 with a Zoom audience of quarantined guests who had nothing else to do. Not only do they not have children, but they have set a local record for the number of plants they have slaughtered despite being told “it’s impossible to kill these.”
Outside the podcast, Brett and Royce enjoy their careers. Brett works for the city of San Francisco providing grants to youth-serving organizations in the city. Royce works in the education and nonprofit world supporting education and child welfare organizations. But they are not giving up on their dream of becoming the next Hardy Boys.
We hope you enjoy eavesdropping on our conversations here at The Best We Can Do!
